Dear friend,
Well as you would probably know, 'tis the season where most SPM graduates are busy filling in scholarship forms, all crossing their fingers in hope to study abroad. I am no exception. Except that I'm merely doing this to fulfill my mum's wish. Me? What I'd like to do? Well, I don't know really. What I would really like to do is, I don't know, it's just not possible. With my mum's high expectations and all.
When I was in primary school, I would come up with all sorts of occupations when the teacher asks me what my ambition is. Secretly, what I would really like to do, is, to be a cartoonist and play the guitar. Yes, a cartoonist. Yes. A guitarist. My mum memang sahsah la takkan bagi kan. I once gave her hints on being a cartoonist. "Kartunis? Nak makan apa kakak? Cuba la jadi matang sikit." Yes, my mum can be considered as successful, I guess that's why she has this really high expectations of me. But I want to be a cartoonist! *whines* I don't care about money, mom! There are people out there who eat dirt, and they are still breathing!
Let me tell you about my mum. She is really a no-nonsense person. There were two secrets that I kept from her. That I draw cartoons and play the guitar. It is nothing really, no biggie. But being my mum, being her, she would go, "Kakak, kenapa kakak buang masa? Main gitar and drawing bukan boleh bagi kakak dapat good result." In fact, that was the sentence she gave to me when I finally told her the truth. To my mum the workaholic, every second you are not sleeping, kena belajar belajar belajar.
One of the happiest moments of my life, going to this small music shop and buying this cheap blue and black Samick and small 10 watt amp using my own money. Worked hard for it. After that I would wait until my mum goes to work and spend hours on end playing and playing. I self taught myself how to play the guitar. And I'm really proud of that.
So anyway, back to the topic, I kind of feel sad that I am Malaysian. If I were an American, or I don't know, orang Barat la, or if I were living in the western countries, maybe I could really chase my dream in drawing and play guitar as a living. Why? Sebab apa? They have encouragements from their society. We Malaysians lack that. Menjadi orang Asia ni, or maybe a Malaysian, there's the disadvantage. I mean, you really have to be really really really extremely good tahap dewa, or you are stinking rich, to enable you to pursue your dreams. Tengok orang putih, kalau minat menari, hah, jadiklah penari. If you are interested of becoming a writer pun boleh jadi kaya. Us? The only thing Asians are known is their academic performance. Yang lain? I don't know, maybe it's just me who thinks about it, and don't get me wrong, I am NOT a racist. Tak, tak maksud pun. So yeah, what next? Entahla. Kalau ada rezeki, if God wills, adala. If not, hey there makan gaji!
